you ever think about the other sperm you beat out to exist?
the concert pianists?
but you, the tumblr blogger
[AGGRESSIVELY APOLOGIZES FOR BEING A BAD FRIEND AND AN UNPLEASANT PERSON TO BE AROUND]
with 93 million on tumblr i bet theres a clique of 37 year olds who make fun of us
yeah they’re called the staff
there’s a comic book store in my town that gives ladies a 10% discount and the people who work there are really friendly so lots of ladies show up to hang out and buy comics and one time i was looking through some new releases and this guy walked in, saw all the ladies, did a double take, and said really loudly and condescendingly, ‘there sure are a lot of girls in here for a comic store!’ and laughed but no one else laughed with him and it was glorious
Harry Potter au where Harry didn’t lose being a parsletongue and Albus buys a snake as a pet one year because snakes are cool and one day just walks in on Harry and the snake having a deep conversation
Albus is 17 and loses his virginity in his room and forgets the snake talks to his dad and when Harry gets home the snake is all like OH MY GOSH YOU’D NEVER GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WHAT HAPPENED
fun fact about me: when i was a freshman in high school, for the whole year i planned an april fools joke on my homophobic dad and i was gonna tell him that i was a lesbian and i had a girlfriend. by the time april fools day rolled around, i was really a lesbian and i had a girlfriend